Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize