some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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