Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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