Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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