I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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