My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
