College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
