I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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