Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
