how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
