Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Randomize
