He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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