Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
