so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
