I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
