Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
