they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
