if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
