Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
