did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
