Duck Duck Cougar?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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