Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
