I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
