I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
