Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
