I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
