Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
