Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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