Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well you can't waste a boner
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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