Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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