Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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