She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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