girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
