Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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