I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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