I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
