so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
