if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
