"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
