Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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