you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
