If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
