Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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