my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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