Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
