After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
