is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
