Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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