When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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