my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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