when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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