32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
