I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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