Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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