his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
