I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
