dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
