i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
