How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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