He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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