So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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